How long does a scan take?

Most scans complete in 20–45 seconds. The free tier uses our 12 fast Tier-1 agents. Pro plans add Puppeteer rendering and PageSpeed Insights which take a bit longer (30–60s). Agency plans add multi-page crawling (3-5 minutes).

What makes the AI roast different?

Most audit tools dump 200 issues in your lap and call it a day. Our AI Coach reads the entire scan, prioritizes by impact, and writes you a 5-issue action plan with actual code fixes — not just "minify your CSS".

Do you actually scan my site live?

Yes — we fetch your real HTML, render it with Puppeteer, run PageSpeed Insights, parse your robots.txt and sitemap, and check your SSL certificate. Nothing is mocked or cached for the first scan.

Can I use this for client work?

Absolutely. The Agency plan includes white-label PDF reports with your logo and colors, plus multi-client dashboards, bulk scanning, and CSV import. Many freelancers use SlapMyWeb as their entire audit deliverable.

Why Roman Hindi roasts?

Because audit tools are boring and developer humor crosses borders. The roasts are bilingual (Hindi + English) so everyone gets the joke. You can disable them if you prefer pure English in your settings.

Is this a free alternative to Semrush or Ahrefs?

Yes. SlapMyWeb covers website speed test, page speed analysis, mobile friendliness test, security headers check, and on-page SEO audit — all for free. Semrush charges $120/mo and Ahrefs $99/mo for similar site audit features. We give you the core checks at no cost.

What does the website speed test check?

We test Core Web Vitals (LCP, CLS, INP), Time to First Byte, First Contentful Paint, Speed Index, render-blocking resources, page weight, and third-party script impact. Results include Google CrUX real-user data when available.

240+ checks · 10 pillars · 16 modules240+ checks · 10 pillars

We audit. We score. We slap.

Paste any URL. 240 checks across speed, SEO, mobile, security and accessibility in 30 seconds. You get a score, a brutally honest AI verdict, and copy-paste fix code. Free forever — no signup.

Free foreverNo signupAI roasts30s results

a******.com slapped · 47/100f******.io scored 91/100s********.co fixed 12 issues · +34c******.dev failed mobile · LCP 6.2ss********.com gained rich snippets · +15 SEOt*****.net security headers grade Ao*****.org · 240 alt tags missing · 38/100n***********.me HTTPS redirect added · +12a*********.com bulk scanned 24 sitesl*********.app aced Core Web Vitals · 95/100a******.com slapped · 47/100f******.io scored 91/100s********.co fixed 12 issues · +34c******.dev failed mobile · LCP 6.2ss********.com gained rich snippets · +15 SEOt*****.net security headers grade Ao*****.org · 240 alt tags missing · 38/100n***********.me HTTPS redirect added · +12a*********.com bulk scanned 24 sitesl*********.app aced Core Web Vitals · 95/100

The product

Paste a URL. Get this in 30 seconds.

A real audit. Real scores. AI-written fixes you can copy-paste. Not a marketing demo — this is the actual report you receive.

slapmyweb.com / scan / acme-shop.com

Live

Overall verdict

out of 100

Tough but fixable

Checks: 240
Time: 28s

Pillar breakdown

6 of 10

Performance64
SEO91
Security78
Mobile88
A11y72
Content95

Top issues + AI fixes

3 of 47

CRITICAL
LCP 4.8s — your hero image is 1.2MB
AVIF + responsive srcset
HIGH
Missing canonical on 14 pages
<link rel="canonical">
MEDIUM
No structured data for Article schema
JSON-LD snippet ready

AI Coach Claude 4.6

“Your hero image weighs more than your value prop. 1.2MB of decoration before a single byte of conversion copy paints — fix the LCP, ship AVIF, and stop apologizing for slow.”

Scan your site See a real report

What's in the box

One scan. Everything you'd normally pay $300/mo for.

Speed, SEO, security, accessibility, AI search readiness, structured data. Not five tools — one report, written like a human wrote it.

AI Roast Engine

Brutal honesty, actually useful.

Claude 4.6 reads your audit and writes a verdict in plain English with attitude. Not generic SEO advice — a roast of your specific site, with the fix.

Verdict for acme-shop.com

“Hero image weighs more than your value prop. AVIF the thing, ship a srcset, and stop apologizing for slow.”

LCP -2.1sAVIF 87% smallersrcset = win

0–100 score

10 pillars, one verdict.

240 weighted checks roll up into one number you can defend.

Copy-paste fixes

Code, not warnings.

Every issue ships with the exact HTML, .htaccess, schema or nginx snippet to fix it.

<link rel="canonical"
  href="https://..." />

AI search ready

Built for ChatGPT, Perplexity, Claude.

We grade how AI bots see your site — schema, semantic HTML, llm.txt, structured answers.

ChatGPTPerplexityClaudeGeminillm.txt

Crawl + render

JavaScript-rendered audit.

Puppeteer fetch + static parse. Catches what static crawlers miss.

Global signals

CrUX + PageSpeed + DataForSEO.

Real-user CWV, Lighthouse, hreflang, backlinks. One pipeline, one report.

240

checks

pillars

sources

Self-hosted

Your URLs never leave our box.

Postgres, Redis, screenshots — all on our own infra. Zero third-party trackers.

Real verdicts. Brutal honesty.

We don't sugarcoat. We slap.

Six real verdicts from the leaderboard — site names anonymized, scores are real, attitude is mandatory.

Rough

Speed

Verdict

tinyshop.example

This is not a website — it is a time capsule from the dial-up era. LCP at 8.4 seconds means visitors literally age while waiting.

— Bhai, dial-up era ka time capsule.

Rough

SEO

Verdict

fancyblog.example

Title tags at 12 chars, meta descriptions completely absent. Even Google can't tell what your site is about — and Google really tries.

— Google ko bhi confusion hai.

Tough

Mobile

Verdict

startupx.example

147 images, zero alt text, a 14MB hero banner. A masterclass in murdering accessibility and bandwidth in one frame.

— Accessibility ka qatl, ek hi frame mein.

Rough

Security

Verdict

corp-site.example

No HTTPS redirect, no HSTS, no CSP. Security headers grade: F. Your site is the open vault speedrun, any% category.

— Khuli tijori. F grade.

Solid

Design

Verdict

agency-pro.example

Genuinely impressive work. Fix that 0.28 CLS, ship one structured-data block, and you are competing for top 1%.

— Mehnat dikhti hai. Bas thoda aur.

Elite

Performance

Verdict

launch.example

Core Web Vitals aced. Schema validated. Sitemap fresh. The kind of site that makes auditors stop and screenshot.

— Auditors screenshot lete hain.

Rough

Speed

Verdict

tinyshop.example

This is not a website — it is a time capsule from the dial-up era. LCP at 8.4 seconds means visitors literally age while waiting.

— Bhai, dial-up era ka time capsule.

Rough

SEO

Verdict

fancyblog.example

Title tags at 12 chars, meta descriptions completely absent. Even Google can't tell what your site is about — and Google really tries.

— Google ko bhi confusion hai.

Tough

Mobile

Verdict

startupx.example

147 images, zero alt text, a 14MB hero banner. A masterclass in murdering accessibility and bandwidth in one frame.

— Accessibility ka qatl, ek hi frame mein.

Rough

Security

Verdict

corp-site.example

No HTTPS redirect, no HSTS, no CSP. Security headers grade: F. Your site is the open vault speedrun, any% category.

— Khuli tijori. F grade.

Solid

Design

Verdict

agency-pro.example

Genuinely impressive work. Fix that 0.28 CLS, ship one structured-data block, and you are competing for top 1%.

— Mehnat dikhti hai. Bas thoda aur.

Elite

Performance

Verdict

launch.example

Core Web Vitals aced. Schema validated. Sitemap fresh. The kind of site that makes auditors stop and screenshot.

— Auditors screenshot lete hain.

Why we're different

Same insight, $0 instead of $300/mo.

Compare

vs Semrush

$120/mo → free

Same site audit checks, AI verdict included, no credit card

See comparison

Compare

vs Ahrefs

$99/mo → free

10-pillar scoring, code fixes not just warnings, instant results

See comparison

Compare

vs PageSpeed

Boring → savage

CWV + SEO + security + mobile in one scan, not just speed

See comparison

Real numbers. Live.

Pulled from the database this second.

No marketing math. The four numbers below come straight from /public/stats — refresh and watch them tick.

—

Sites scanned

—

Issues caught

—

Avg score

Checks per scan

Simple pricing

Free forever. Pro when you scale.

MonthlyAnnualSave 17%

See full pricing details

FAQ

Free Website Audit — Common Questions

Yes. The free plan includes full audits every month with all pillars, AI roast and a basic action plan. No credit card required. Upgrade to Pro or Agency only if you need more scans, white-label reports, or multi-client management. Check our pricing page for current rates.

Ready to get slapped?

Drop a URL. 30 seconds. No signup. No credit card. Just a brutally honest verdict and the code to fix it.

Free foreverNo signupAI roasts30s results